Husband Refuses To Retire
DEAR HARRIETTE: My 71-year-old husband is refusing to retire even though we have more than enough money for both our retirement funds. He's been working at the same bank for 45 years and won't let go of the company. I have told him so many times that it is his time to retire and rest, but he says he'll get bored without working. I understand his job has been a major part of his life, but I wish he would consider what we could do together if he retired. I want us to travel, spend more time with our grandchildren and enjoy the years we have left without the stress of work. He says he likes having a routine and being around his co-workers, but I worry that he is missing out on life outside of the bank. I also feel like I have been waiting for him to retire for years, and I don't want to keep putting off the things we have always dreamed of doing together. How do I help him see that retirement doesn't mean he has to stop being productive or lose his purpose? Should I encourage him to find hobbies or volunteer work, or do I need to accept that he may never want to retire? -- He Won't Retire
DEAR HE WON'T RETIRE: Your husband cannot envision his life outside of his work right now. That is understandable. So many people define their lives through their work. Rather than trying to convince him otherwise, pivot to see what you can do. What friends or family members might be interested in taking a trip with you? My mother's girlfriends used to plan annual trips that included cruises and jaunts to Europe and the Caribbean. Because they were part of a group, they felt safe. What else do you want to do? Schedule it. Invite your husband to join you, but go anyway if he says no.
Your exploration of life may intrigue him and get him to seriously consider what you've been proposing for so long. If not, you will be able to stop complaining and start living.
DEAR HARRIETTE: While working a private event, I exchanged pleasantries throughout the night with another team member. Apparently, what I assumed was silly banter, he mistook for flirtation. At the end of the night, he asked me on a date in front of a number of people I often work with at other events. I felt cornered. I know it's my fault for not setting a boundary, but I shared my contact information with him. He's significantly older than me and I am not interested in him, but because we have overlap in our workspaces, I don't know how to break the news that I don't want what he wants. We haven't gone out yet, so I'd like to temper him before this goes any further. What can I say that can make my stance clear but still help us maintain an amicable work relationship? -- On the Spot
DEAR ON THE SPOT: When he reaches out to you next, tell him how much you enjoyed talking to him but that you did not mean to lead him on. Tell him you like working with him and want to build a camaraderie with him, not a personal relationship.
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(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)
Copyright 2026, Harriette Cole
COPYRIGHT 2026 Andrews McMeel Syndication. This feature may not be reproduced or distributed electronically, in print or otherwise without the written permission of Andrews McMeel Syndication.
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